


The Wayhaven Chronicles Love Letters

by pearlsandsteel



Category: The Wayhaven Chronicles (Interactive Fiction)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Love Letters, References to Drugs, from detective to LI
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26410588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearlsandsteel/pseuds/pearlsandsteel
Summary: An unsent love letter from Detective Alexis Kingston to Adam du Mortain
Relationships: Female Detective/Adam du Mortain, Female Detective/Ava du Mortain, Female Detective/Farah Hauville, Female Detective/Morgan (The Wayhaven Chronicles), Female Detective/Nathaniel "Nate" Sewell
Kudos: 16





	1. A split heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsent love letter from Detective Alexis Kingston to Adam du Mortain

Dear Adam,

I’m not going to send this letter. I don’t even know why I’m writing it. All I know is that I can’t get you out of my head. It doesn’t make any sense. Why should I be thinking about you? I should think about Nate, only Nate. But every time I let my thoughts wander you manage to slip into them.

I don’t know why I’m writing this down. It’s stupid. You’re never going to see this anyway. I guess I just wanted to say what I feel. But that’s the problem, I don’t know what I feel. Or what you feel. What do you feel, Adam? Do you feel the same?

I thought I knew what I felt, I was so sure of what I wanted and then you murmured those words. I can’t get them out of my mind, they’ve been repeating themselves over and over again like an echo in my head. “I wish it were only me.” Did those words mean what I think they did? Do I even want them to mean that? It would complicate everything. Mine and Nates relationship. Your friendship. And whatever this is between us. Then why is there a part of me, deep down, hoping that this is exactly what you meant?

God, you’re driving me insane. Every little piece of you. Your stubbornness, the way you order me around and those ridiculous aviator sunglasses. Your damn emerald eyes behind them and your goddamn smile. Oh god, your smile. Why aren’t you smiling more often? It’s so wonderful, so full of warmth and affection. You always look so bitter with all your brooding.

What are you brooding about anyway? What are you thinking when you stare out of all these windows? Do you think of me, the way I think of you?

You told me you were happy for me and Nate, but your eyes said something else. They always do. Maybe you successfully hide all your emotions from your face, but your eyes are full of them. Centuries of repressed emotions in one gaze. They’re so deep and soulful that I feel like I could drown in them. They’re pulling me to you and I feel like you’re looking right into my soul. Do you see the same in my eyes? Do you see what I feel?

If you know what I’m feeling, why didn’t you say anything? I asked you what you feel for me and you said “nothing”, nothing at all. You said it with such certainty and I did the same, but we both knew we were lying, didn’t we? That’s not “nothing” between us. I don’t know what it is or if it’s the same for you, but there’s something. I know it.

If you know it too please tell me. I need to know before I go completely crazy. I’m never sure what you feel. Nate is the exact opposite, he’s always so open and honest with his feelings. I feel so safe with him, I always know where I’m at. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why I chose him. Because I couldn’t choose you and I was so desperate for every bit of security I could find. Something you weren’t ready to give, something you didn’t want to give because you didn’t want me to choose you.

But no, deep down, I know I didn’t choose him just for that. I chose him because I feel something for him and it was a good decision. I’m in love with him and I know how happy I could be with him. But was it the right decision?

Because no matter how much I’ve tried to deny it. No matter how long I prayed to cupid, Venus and destiny, begged them on my knees to lift this burden from me, it was useless. They didn’t care about my sorrow. The burden of knowing that I feel the same for you and that no matter what I do, I’ll end up hurting you both still rests heavy on my shoulders.

Cupid and Venus are still pulling on my heart. They try to pull it in different directions and don’t seem to notice that they’re tearing it apart.

So please Adam, be honest with me. Tell me the truth, show me who you really are because I don’t know how long the remaining thin threads will manage to hold my heart together.

Love, Alexis


	2. Foolish hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsent love letter from Detective Alana McLane to Specialist Agent Morgan

Dear Morgan,

I’m writing this to express all the things I can’t say to your face. Every time I open my mouth and try to tell you all this, my throat goes dry and I lose my voice. You probably can’t understand why, you never had a problem with saying exactly what you mean and making me a flustered mess with it.

You always say what you want, but never the words I want to hear from you. You say I’m beautiful and that you want me, but that’s not true, is it? You don’t want me, you only want my body. You don’t want all of me, you don’t want my heart, even though you already got it. But that’s exactly what I want from you, I want your heart, I want everything of you, every little piece.

I want to fall asleep next to you, wake up with you every morning and experience everything in between with you by my side. But I’m aware this will never happen. I may be an optimist and a dreamer, but I’m not a fool, even I know this.

You’re not the type for forever, you’re more the type for one night, the one you have fun with and then move on from. But I’ve never been this kind of person and I can’t seem to move on from you. I can’t get the picture of you out of my head. Can’t bring the movie of every time I looked at you, hoping you wouldn’t notice, to stop, it keeps running. I can’t forget the taste of your kiss. You’re there in every waking second and in every dream. You’re there when I wake up, when I go to bed, when I’m with you and when I’m not. And I’ve tried, I really did, to think of anything else, to banish the idea of you waking up next to me from my thoughts.

You’ll never wake up next to me, hold my hand while we walk down the street or stand next to me at the altar. Why? Why am I still dreaming of this foolish idea that you might do? You made it very clear that you “only wanted to get under my dress”. I knew that the moment you walked into my office and I still fell for you. I don’t even know why, it was like I had no choice but to fall in love with you. I literally fell, the floor was pulled from under my feet and there was no one to catch me except you, but you didn’t. I’m still falling, I keep falling every second, just waiting for me to hit the hard, cold ground, the moment you’ll break my heart.

Because that moment will come, maybe when you’ll read this letter, if I can muster up the courage to send it. Maybe you’ll figure out for yourself what I feel for you. Maybe you will understand what I’m trying to say when I tell you I want it to mean something. Maybe you’ll break it when you finally had enough of chasing after me and look for a new way to have some fun.

Just the thought of you with someone else makes my stomach turn. I don’t want to think of anything like that, I’d rather continue my daydreaming. But I shouldn’t and I shouldn’t spend that much time with you either. But I can’t stop, it’s like I’m trying to lap up every drop of affection and time you freely grant me like a dog that’s dying of thirst for every little sign that you care, that I mean something to you. Anything that might mean that maybe, just maybe, a tiny little spark of my feelings are returned.

I know that’s nearly impossible, but Nietzsche said “I know of no better life purpose than to perish in attempting the great and the impossible.” and I have to agree. So I gather all my courage to write this letter and attempt the great and the impossible.To ask you if what I so foolishly feel for you is being returned in any way. It’s alright if you don’t know the answer yet, but I need to know if there’s a chance. The chance of an “us”. Is there a reason for me to hold on? Is there any hope that my heart won’t get shattered into a million pieces, that I won’t meet the ground? That someday you’ll reach your arms out to me and catch me? That you're going to embrace me in them and tell me that you love me the same way?

Because if there’s even just a tiny chance, I’ll do anything to hold on. I will continue to dream of you and count every single one of your freckles in my head while eagerly awaiting the day you’ll be ready for forever.

With all my unconditional and eternal love, Allie


	3. Walls so high

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsent love letter from Detective Emery Cole to Nathaniel Sewell

Dear Nate,

Honestly I don’t know where to start. I’m not good at saying what I feel like you are. So I thought writing it down would be easier. I really have no idea how any of this works, it’s been a long time since I’ve been that close to someone. I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake, that I’ll do or say something that will drive you away, like I always do. Or that you think I don’t care about you, because I do. I care a lot, more than I could ever put in words. I think – I think I’m really falling in love with you and that’s terrifying.

I feel something for you I never felt before. Sure, I had relationships, but these didn’t even come close to what we have. I’ve never felt so warm and secure, so wanted and loved as I do with you. And yes, that’s terrifying, because I’m so afraid to lose all of this – to lose you.

That’s why I wanted to write this letter, to make sure you know I feel the same. I know I’m not good at showing you that or at any of this romantic stuff. I don’t know how to deal with all these emotions, I’ve never experienced something so intense. I didn’t really feel anything for years. It’s like I was underwater, slowly suffocating and you made me breathe. I haven’t lived in years, I’ve put it off and my work became my life. I’ve only seen the world through a bubble and you made it burst.

Everything that used to be so grey and monotonous now glows in all colors of the rainbow. It was so dull and you made it shine. I was dead and your kiss brought me back to life. Everything’s so new. I took life for granted and just kept going through every day like a machine. I never took the time to appreciate all it has to offer, but now I notice all these little things and I stop to admire them, the warm rays of sunshine on my skin, the scent of flowers in the spring air and you.

Time was always rushing past me, but with you it stops and I feel like I could stay in your arms forever. You drown out everything else and I’m focusing solely on you. You control all my senses, you’re all I perceive. All I smell is your earthy scent that embraces me with security. All I hear is your silky voice and your laughter that wraps around me like a warm blanket. All I feel is your touch that sends shivers through my whole body, even when you just brush past me. All I taste are your soft lips against mine. And all I see is you and I’m starting to think I could look at this view for the rest of my life.

It seems impossible for me to imagine a future without you. But what if you don’t want me anymore once you really got to know me? What if you don’t want the real me like everyone else? You’re a risk and I don’t take risks. I plan out everything, I planned out my whole life and you just came and turned all my careful, thought out plans upside-down. You took all my orderly notes and threw them on the ground. But every time I make a plan now I include you, I don’t even think about it, I do it automatically. My walls are high and heavy and no one ever attempted to climb them but you. You slowly but surely break through them and that scares and excites me at the same time.

Wow, I really didn’t mean to reveal all this, but when it comes to you all my thoughts seem to bubble out of me and that’s not something I’m used to. I guess what I’m trying to say with all this is that I want you to keep trying to tear down my walls, to break them down completely. It’s probably going to take a while until you get there, but please don’t give up, I’ll be ready to open up one day. I may not be a risk-taker, but you are a risk I’m willing to take.

Love, Emery


	4. Make me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsent love letter from Detective Olivia Greene to Ava du Mortain

Dear Ava,

I’m not writing this letter for you, I’m writing it for myself. I’m writing this to get all these confusing emotions out of my head, in hope that then I’ll be able to do anything else than to think of you. Because I don’t know what else to do, I’ve tried everything to get you out of my mind, but nothing worked.

I’ve tried to draw, something that has always helped to distract myself, to focus on something else. But whenever I put down a pencil or brush now, the lines of your face find themselves onto my paper. The sharp lines of your jaw, the soft lines of your lips and the emerald green of your eyes. It’s like your face is engraved into my soul. My hands draw your image without me wanting to. I don’t even think about it, it just happens. Somehow you always find your way into everything I do. I can’t stop thinking about how much I love you, how much I hate you and how much you infuriate me. I’m writing this to make some sense of this mess inside me.

Because that’s what you make me Ava, a mess. I can’t sleep anymore because my mind is racing with thoughts of you. I can’t do anything else but to think of you and every time I do, my heart writhes in my chest. Your voice plays in my head like a song, your touch is burned into my skin like a painting and your name lies on my tongue like the taste of bittersweet dark chocolate. I want to recite it like a poem. I want to call for you, but when I open my mouth, no sounds come out. I want to reach for you, but every time my fingertips are about to touch you, you dissolve into thin air. I want to know you, but your walls are so high and every time I try to climb them, I just fall deeper.

Why Ava? Why won’t you let me in? Why are you pushing me away? All I want is to be happy with you and I know you want the same, I can see it in your eyes whenever something manages to slip past your mask. So why? Why won’t you let us be happy? What made you so scared of your own happiness? Whatever it is, I promise we can conquer it together, I know we can.

I’m just so frustrated Ava, every time I make a step towards you, you make ten backwards. Why are you running away from me? What are you so afraid of? Please tell me, tell me all your fears and worries so we can work on them together. You said I’m everything to you and you’re everything to me. Please let me in. I’ve tried everything to break through your icy exterior, but it’s hard as stone. I don’t know what else to do!

I love you so much it hurts, it’s all-consuming. Every time you open your mouth, about to say something and then close it again, my heart breaks a little more. Every time your hand is about to caress my cheek and you pull back, it feels like you punched me right into my chest. Every time you accidently let some of your feelings slip and you take it back seconds later, it feels like you stabbed a dagger right into my heart. You’re breaking my heart; you break it more every time you pull away.

You’re trying to protect me; always so worried someone is going to hurt me. But what you don’t realize is that you’re the one hurting me the most. You want to protect me from all pain? Well, then you better protect me from yourself, and I know you think that’s exactly what you’re doing, but you’re wrong, believe me. You’re killing me with your coldness; you tear my heart apart and say it’s best for me. How is this best for me? It hurts unbearably but suddenly you don’t seem to care about my pain anymore? You can’t protect me if you’re the one who’s hurting me. So if you really want to protect me stop hiding from me!

You may think you’re a monster, but that’s not true. You’re not a monster, Ava. You are compassionate and kind behind this stoic facade. I know it, I saw it. When it comes to you I notice everything.

I should stop; I should stop pining for you, stop yearning for you, but I can’t. It’s like there’s this invisible force drawing me to you, no matter how much I try to fight it. So no matter how hard you’ll try to push me away, it’s not going to work, I’m bound to you and nothing in this world could change that. Do you feel it too? This bond between us, this pull? How do you manage to fight it? I wouldn’t be able to resist it, even if I tried.

God Ava, I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried everything. I was sincere, flirted and asked you straight to your face if you’re interested in me and you said no. You told me to stay out of it and I told you to make me. But that wasn’t just a loose phrase, it was a plea. Please Ava, make me, because I can’t do it myself. Make me Ava, please! Make me stop thinking of you, make stop wanting you, make me stop loving you! Please Ava, I’m begging you, because I can’t stop feeling all this for you. I can’t stop Ava! I have this urge in me to scream because you’re so frustrating. I want to scream at you, at me, at the universe. It’s like I’m screaming at the top of my lungs, but you seem deaf to my desperate cries.

I fell in love with you the moment you came into my office and started a fight with me. I still feel like we’re fighting against each other, but I don’t want to fight anymore, I’m swinging the white flag because I can’t take to fight my own feelings anymore, I can’t take you fighting your feelings anymore. I can’t take that every time we get close, you ignore me for a month.

You’re like a wall of ice, Ava and I’m freezing to death. You want to protect me? Then save me.

Love, Olivia


	5. Light and darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unsent love letter from Detective Samantha Lee to Farah Hauville

Dear Farah,

This is so stupid, I feel ridiculous, I haven’t written a letter in my life. Do people even still do that? I should have just sent you a text, but everything sounded so...meaningless and I wanted to give you something meaningful, something that shows you how important you are to me. I don’t really care much about other people, I’ve always been a lone wolf. When I meet someone new, my first thought is how I get rid of them as fast as possible, I’m definitely not a people-person. The only exceptions were Tina and Verda...and you.

When you came into my office, my first instinct was to attack. When you are faced with a wild animal, the first thing you should do is to signal them that you’re not a threat. I think that’s what you’ve done with me. I was so used to being treated like one, like a leper, that I became it and when you came to me with all your kindness, all your softness, I wanted to recoil like a scared deer in the headlights, I wanted to hide from my own feelings. But your light drew me to you like a moth, and it dispelled all my shadows, your brightness displaced my darkness. I was so reserved, so cold and you so open, so warm, like sunshine, driving away all my demons.

You wormed yourself into my heart, you latched onto it like a parasite, but being infested by you is the most wonderful thing I can imagine. I’ve tried to fight it, but I’ve never been good at resisting temptations, my police record is probably the best example of this. Whenever I saw something I wanted, I just went for it, no matter the rules, no matter the consequences. All I cared about was the here and now, I didn’t care about my future.

But it’s not like that anymore, with you...it’s different, everything’s different, more, like you put it. I’m afraid to just go for it because it’s not meaningless to me. This time I care, I care about the consequences, I care about the future - our future. Because I want there to be one, I want a next month, a next year, a decade - an eternity and more.

I want all this, with you. But I know I’m gonna screw it up, I always do. I do something stupid and impulsive and then I’m all alone again, I’ve always been. Rook obviously couldn’t be there and Rebecca didn’t bother to be, it was as if I had two dead parents, it wouldn’t have made a difference in my life if she would have been too. I tried everything to get her attention, that’s how it all started, the questionable friends, the drugs, all this shit. At first it was just for her, I just wanted her to care, I wanted her to be worried, to be angry, to scream at me. Anything, I just wanted something, some reaction, a sign that I wasn’t indifferent to her, that I wasn’t just a burden. I would have preferred it if she had hated me over this nothingness. But she didn’t, she didn’t do anything, no tears, no screaming, nothing, just this endless silence. All she did was get me that deal and I’m certain that was just to preserve whatever was left of her good reputation.

I just needed someone to care, but no one ever did. So I gave up trying, I pushed everyone away and cut myself off. I gave in, I let myself fall into a deep hole with high walls that kept me trapped in darkness. And I couldn’t stop, it was like an escape, for a short while I could flee all of this, could slip into another world. All my problems seemed to be washed away by this wave of numbness. But the hole I had shovelled for myself was getting deeper and deeper until I couldn't see the sky anymore. And anyone who tried to reach out towards me and pull me up, I pushed away. Whenever I got close to someone, I did something to chase them away, to hurt them, so much they couldn’t even look me in the eye anymore.

I did it unconsciously, it became a reflex, a defense mechanism, for fear that they would eventually just leave me too. I was a terrible, miserable person and there’s no excuse for my behavior. But I don’t want to be this person anymore, I don’t want to hurt you. I want to be better, for you. With you, I feel like I could be finally happy, like someone finally cares. I don’t want to destroy this. I want to show you this dark part of me, I want you to know me, all of me, the good, the bad, the person I was, the person I am and the person I’m going to be. But I’m afraid.

And this fear is holding me back, you are so open, so enthusiastic, so straight forward, and I want to be that too, I want to be open with you, I want to be enthusiastic and show you how much I want this, want you. I wish I could just stop thinking about this so much and just do what I want. If I did, I’d probably fall to one knee and propose to you right here and now. It’s almost funny, to think things through has never been my strong suit and now I can’t stop over-thinking.

I was always so angry, there always was this storm raging inside me, but with you it calms down, it stops and there’s this wonderful silence, filled with your presence instead. I feel like I finally found the place I belong, but it’s less of a place, it’s a person, it’s you. Right from the start you treated me like a part of the team, like a part of your weird, little family. You’ve shown me that you’re not my enemy, you’re my friends and maybe even more, my family. I’ve always been a lone wolf, but with this team, with you, I finally found my pack.

Love, Sam


End file.
